


the things we don’t say

by SpacemanSpiff7



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguments, Boyfriends, Cody has a gay crisis, Confessions, First Time, Fluff, Happy Ending, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Not Happy, One-sided pining, Prompt Fill, TikTok trend, Top Noel, bottom cody, cheesy ending, coming out of the closet and staying stubbornly in it, dialogue-only chapter, oblivious gays, smut written entirely through dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:08:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24100327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpacemanSpiff7/pseuds/SpacemanSpiff7
Summary: Based on this prompt: One of them does a dumbass tiktok couple trend to each other (as best friends) and it doesn't really go as planned.Basically, Cody decides to film a “kissing my best friend” tiktok challenge as a joke and Noel doesn’t react like he expected.I hope I did this wonderful prompt justice.
Relationships: Cody Ko/Noel Miller
Comments: 25
Kudos: 309





	1. change of plans

**Author's Note:**

  * For [w0t_up_b0is](https://archiveofourown.org/users/w0t_up_b0is/gifts).



> Please do not share w anyone tmg affiliated and, as usual, I am sorry. Enjoy!

_so today I tried the kissing my best friend challenge..._

_kissing my best friend of 3 years...were dating now:)_

_I saw this trend where you kiss ur best guy friend and I knew I had to try it…_

This shit had been all over Cody’s For You page for, like, weeks. It was definitely cringeworthy - I mean, half of these people were already dating, right? - and yet, he couldn’t stop watching them. This has got to be one of the weirdest “challenges” the teenagers on TikTok have come up with.

There are plenty where it works out, and the pair starts making out, and Cody has to scroll away quickly. _Gross._ He personally likes the ones where it _doesn't_ work out and they get rejected. It’s comedy gold when the other person slaps them across the face or backs up awkwardly. Who cares if it’s staged? With the dramatic song playing in the background as they scramble to turn off the camera, it’s hilarious. And they get hella views. Maybe he should make one.

Hm. There’s a thought.

With Kelsey? No. If Aleena ever figured out he tried to kiss her girl, she’d probably kill him. And he’s not about to dip into infidelity for some internet views. 

Welp, he has exactly two close friends, so I guess that leaves Noel.

That’d actually be funny, though. Cody leaning in, eyes closed and deadly serious, Noel’s look of panic as he shoves Cody away, then Cody reveals it’s a joke and he sighs with relief. And he’ll put that really dramatic song in the background and caption it something really stupid like “kissing my guy BFF for the first time…….were married now<3”. Yeah, that’s pretty funny.

He favorites the sound and keeps scrolling.

~

“You want something? Coffee? Um...half an avocado? Beer? That’s all I got,” Noel jokes from the kitchen.

“Beer is fine,” Cody replies, barely paying attention. He’s trying to prop his phone up against the television, but it keeps slipping down. Besides, you can barely see the couch from that angle...he needs to find somewhere else.

”I got frosted mugs, you want one?”

“Um...sure.” He’s found a new place to put the phone - the end table at one end of the couch. If he puts it against the table lamp, it works pretty well - he’ll just have to be sure to stay against the back of the couch so you can still see Noel.

“Anything that you wanna watch?” Noel asks, walking into the living room with his hands full.

“Oh—” Cody scrambles to lean against the couch and look casual, looking intently at the Netflix screen. “Um, no, no, I was just browsing.”

“We don’t have to watch something if you don’t want to,” Noel says, sitting down. “I mean, we could just talk.” 

“Just talk?” Cody glances at his phone screen, adjusts himself slightly so Noel is more in-frame. “Don’t we do enough talking on the podcast?”

“I mean, yeah, but that’s for other people. Sometimes I feel like we forgot what it’s like to just talk for us.”

“I mean, there’s nothing I wouldn’t say to you that I wouldn’t also say to other people.” 

“Oh. Um, thanks, I guess.” Noel pulls out his phone. 

Cody’s only slightly thrown off by his response. He thought Noel would be happy to hear he didn’t talk about him behind his back, but he seems the opposite. 

“So…” Cody opens, suddenly nervous. How should he do this? Maybe he should just tell Noel the idea first, and he can pretend to be shocked. No, he wants a genuine reaction, that will be way funnier. But, gosh, it’s suddenly feeling like more of a daunting task to jokingly lean into Noel’s arms. 

He just needs a second to calm down. 

“So...what?” Noel looks up, skeptical. 

“Nothing. Let’s watch something horror.” 

Noel picks the movie, some indie thriller that Cody’s never heard of. Noel’s really into stuff like this, and he excitedly points out camera angles and shot compositions and other stuff that Cody doesn’t entirely understand. But he doesn’t mind. He likes hearing him talk, even if he has nothing to say himself. 

When it’s over, Noel scoots to the edge of the cushion to grab his drink. “Why do horror movies always kill the dog?” He groans, turning the screen off. “Seems like cheap emotion to me. If you want to earn your audience’s grief, you gotta have really well-developed characters. I mean, that’s what I’d do.” He’s so lost in thought that Cody realizes it’s the perfect time.

“Mmhm,” Cody hums nonchalantly as he unlocks his phone and hits _record._

“I mean, I know I didn’t do that in _Suki_ , but you weren’t really meant to feel bad for her victims. I felt like I packed as much characterization as I could into twelve minutes.” 

“Right.” Cody smiles and gives the phone a thumbs up.

“I liked it, though, don’t get me wrong. I mean, my dream feature would be more of a dark comedy. Horror elements, a lot of them, but also some comedic moments. Satirical, almost? Dark and funny. Like me.” He chuckles.

Cody turns towards him, holding his own thighs. “I agree.” 

Noel gives him a side-eye. “Are you listening?” 

“Yeah, totally,” Cody says, looking into his eyes and then above them, desperate to make sure this moment wasn’t actually romantic. “Dark comedy, yeah, I got it.” 

“You good, bro? You look nervous.” Noel notes his tense hands. “Did the movie actually scare you?”

“No. I just—“ Cody wipes the sweat from his forehead and laughs, aware that his phone is running low on storage. “Um, here goes nothing.” He takes a deep breath, looks at Noel’s face one last time, and closes his eyes. 

His plan is to lean in until Noel says something. Something along the lines of “what the fuck dude” or “what the hell are you doing” or even just “stop.” His plan is to then open his eyes, laugh in Noel’s face, and show him the camera. 

But things never go to plan, do they? 

Because Noel doesn't do any of those things. Noel stays still, absolutely motionless, until Cody’s lips are pressed on his. 

Cody’s mind short-circuits. Part of him wants to jump back like he was electrified, but he’s too deep in shock to even move. 

It’s like middle school, for just a second. Two awkward kids in their parent’s basement, nervous and a little confused, kissing only by the dictionary definition. 

It’s Noel who moves first. He slowly, slowly grabs Cody by his sweatshirt and pulls him in. Cody doesn't resist. He feels like a doll, like his bones are useless. So when Noel’s mouth starts moving, when his lips start pushing against his and his tongue swipes against Cody’s mouth, Cody just softens pliantly and allows it. He even parts his lips a bit, breathing in sharply through his nose and letting his hands fall to Noel’s legs because he can’t think of anything else to do with them. He can’t think of anything at all. He only can note the strange feeling of stubble pressed against his chin and the way Noel’s breath speeds up and the smallest of sounds escape his throat. 

He’s pushing now, pushing Cody’s back against the couch, and Noel is on top of him, and Cody isn’t stopping him. Noel braces his hands on either sides of Cody’s head, so Cody has to prop himself up on his elbows to keep kissing him, which he does. _He does._ For what? This is a prank. This is a practical joke, and he’s letting Noel manhandle him onto his back and press their bodies together and he’s fucking _straining_ to keep his mouth on his. And he knows his phone is recording and he knows he would never post this in a thousand years and he _knows_ that this is going to fuck everything up. And despite all of this, he has no plans to stop. 

Even when Noel finally pulls back to breathe, Cody doesn't pull away, not completely. He just lies there, confused and sweating and looking up at Noel, who’s looking at him like no one has ever looked at him before, the way you _dream_ that people will look at you, with eyes that are deep and hopeful and crinkly from a smile they’re just barely holding back—

“What’s that?” Noel glances away for only a second, but that was enough to see it. 

“What’s—” and then Cody knows. He sits up straight, knocking Noel back to the other side of the couch and turning around quickly, grabbing his phone and struggling to turn it off.

“Were you—” Noel stands up. His face has dropped. His voice is shaky, and he’s grabbing the back of his neck and stepping away. “Were you _recording_ us?” 

“I was—I mean, yeah, but it was just for—” 

“Yeah? For what?” Noel has transitioned into anger, but there’s tears dotting the corners of his eyes. “For a fuckin’—fuckin’—YouTube video? As a fucking _prank_?” 

Cody’s wise enough to realize that correcting him— _”It’s actually for a TikTok"—_ would not be the wisest move, so he just starts apologizing. “Yeah, it was just a joke, man, I didn’t think you’d react that way, I’d never post it, dude, I swear, I’m sorry, it was just supposed to be—” 

“I don’t fucking care! You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting—er, I’ve always felt—” Noel laughs humorously, looking blankly at the ceiling and his voice breaking. “You know what? It doesn't matter.” He’s fully crying now, but his tears are silent, embarrassed. “You should go.” 

“Noel—”

“Leave. Just go.”

Cody wants to argue. He wants to hug him. He wants to apologize and cry and melt into a puddle on the floor and the tiniest part of him wants to kiss him again. The last thing he wants to do is leave. 

But he doesn't. He stands up, grabs his stuff, and he walks out the door. Noel locks it immediately, the metal clicking harshly, and Cody hears a sliding sound from the other side and then a _thump_ as Noel hits the ground. He realizes Noel must be leaning against the door, and if this was a scene in some shitty teen movie, he’d do the same thing. He’d sit down onto the cement and smack his head against the door behind him and look at the stars and think about all the things he wants to say, knowing Noel is only one inch away from him. 

And the only reason he doesn't is because he can hear Noel’s sobs, and he can’t listen to that for one more second.


	2. take a chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based on the chapter 2 suggestion from lynnsue in the comments...basically, Cody tries to ask noel on a date and does a very poor job. I PROMISE IT WILL GET LESS SAD SOON

They don’t talk for days. Which is weird for them. 

Cody _tries,_ at least. He calls him first thing the next morning, but he’s almost relieved when Noel doesn’t pick up. He wasn’t sure what he would say to him anyway. 

So for a few days, he just wanders his house aimlessly and thinks.

There’s so much to unpack. One, the fact that he’s obviously a horrible person in the first place for even considering pulling this kind of prank on someone. Two, that Noel thought it was real. That Noel _wanted_ it to be real. That Noel kissed him back and cried in front of him for the first and only time. 

And, of course, there’s the unspoken third. Something Cody was doing the best to ignore. Because he’s straight, so there’s no point of even entertaining the thought that he might have enjoyed it.

He told himself he was going to delete the video, but he doesn't. He even watches it a few times, alone, in the dark, hating himself, but unable to resist. Because there’s things he couldn’t see in the moment, but the camera captured it all. 

He likes the way Noel’s eyes get bigger as he leans in, he likes the way Noel’s hands float in between them, nervous, before grabbing him by his shirt, and he especially likes the way Noel looks down at him right before he notices the camera. 

He stops watching it after that. He tosses his phone to the other side of the bed and stares upwards at nothing. 

The first communication he gets from Noel is actually through Kelsey.

_Kels: hey, Noel wants me to tell you that he thinks you should skip filming the pod this week._

Cody blinks at the message for a few minutes, unwilling to believe it.

 _we can’t just not put out an episode,_ is his eventual response.

_Kels: he says he just thinks it’d be best_

_Cody: are you with him right now?_

_Kels: yeah, Aleena and I came over after not hearing from him for a few days_

_Cody: what did he tell you?_

_Kels: just that you had a falling out. do u wanna tell us what happened?_

_Cody: can you tell him I’m sorry? and tell him to answer the fucking phone?_

_Kels: he says he needs space. im sorry cody, I don’t know what this is about, but it seems like he’s probably right_

She doesn’t respond for the rest of the night. Eventually, he just turns his ringer to the highest volume and tries to go to sleep. 

He gets a call at 4am. 

Cody startles awake, already knowing who it’s gonna be. 

“Noel,” he says into the receiver, voice groggy. 

“Shut up. I’m gonna talk. Kelsey and Aleena just left, and they said not to do this, but I have to...I have to talk to you.” 

Cody sits up straight but says nothing. 

“Good.” There’s a deep breath on the other side of the line. “Okay. Here it goes. You’re a really shitty person for doing that, Cody.” 

Cody closes his eyes. “I know.” 

“No, no, let me talk.” Cody can tell he’s not entirely in his right mind, maybe just a little drunk. “Because I was going to tell you. I had been planning on telling you for weeks. Months, even. Because I wanted you to know. Even if nothing happened between us, I just wanted you to know. And when you did that, I thought the stars had aligned or some shit. Like a miracle had happened. And in the end, it turns out you were just being shitty.” 

“I know, and I’m so—” 

“And I wanted you to know! But not like that. Because now…” 

“You know what? Let’s talk in person.” 

There’s silence for a moment. “What?” 

“Let’s get dinner or something. Let me take you out. Noel, you’re my best friend. We need to talk this out in person, like adults, because I can’t keep living like this. I miss you.” 

Noel doesn't say anything. 

“You don’t have to forgive me. I just wanna see you, treat you. Please.” 

Noel sighs. “Fine.” 

“How’s 7:00 at Dorothy’s? Um, Friday?” 

“Whatever.” 

“I’ll see you there, man. And I’m sorry.” 

_Click._ The line goes dead. 

~

Cody doesn't know why he picked Dorothy’s. It’s infamously a date spot in LA, and it’s not a place where you bring friends. But he’s strangely okay with that.

Noel shows up late. He’s underdressed and looks like he hasn’t been sleeping. But Cody doesn't mention it. He just waves him to the table. Noel sits without saying a word. 

“Hey,” Cody manages. 

“Hey.” 

“How’ve you been?” 

“Fucking awful.” 

“Good, good…” Cody looks off into the distance, tapping his feet underneath the table. 

“If that’s all you got to say—“

“I just want you to know that it doesn’t bother me.” 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean...I think that you were afraid that since I figured out that you, um, that you like me, that’d I’d be weirded out or something, but I’m not. It doesn’t have to be weird between us.”

“You know as well as I do that that’s not true.” His eyes are piercing, and Cody has to look away. “We can pretend that everything hasn’t changed, but it has.” 

“Can I ask—er, you don’t have to answer this, but if you’re comfortable—“

“About a year ago.” 

“Oh.” It still surprises Cody when Noel reads his mind like that.

“That day we went to the beach.” 

Cody’s face grows hot as Noel continues in a low, disattached voice. “You came to my place at, like, 6am, you remember?”

“Yeah.” 

“You wanted to go surfing. Like, right then. And you asked me to drop all of my plans for the day and go with you, and I did. Even though I couldn’t surf, I went with you and sat on the beach and watched you have fun. For hours. And I was sitting there in the sand and you were waving to me from out in the water and it just hit me like—like, I don’t know, like a pile of bricks. Like, _oh._ This isn’t—this isn’t how you feel about friends.” 

Cody feels strange at the confession. He’s had people admit to liking him before, but never someone he’s close to, never like this. 

“And by the time I realized the hole I dug myself into, I was too far gone to crawl out.” Noel looks up now, and their eye contact is intense and strained. “I’m sorry, I guess.” 

“No, don’t apologize, I’m the jerk here, remember? We can’t forget that.” Cody smiles weakly.

“Yeah, I haven’t forgotten.” Noel laughs, but it’s forced.

“Did you always know you’re, um, g...or, um, was it a recent thing, or—“

When Noel laughs this time, it’s genuinely happy, finding Cody’s attempts to be respectful hilarious. “You can say ‘gay,’ Cody. I think I’m bi, though. I mean, you’re the first guy I’ve ever felt anything for.” 

“Woah, I’m your bi awakening?”

“I guess. Congrats.” 

“Thanks.” 

“Is this what you meant by adult conversation?” Noel chuckles. 

“Kind of. I mean, we’re figuring things out.”

Noel shrugs. “I guess we are.” 

“Okay, enough of that.” Cody leans forward. “I haven’t seen you in forever. Let’s talk. About something happy, for once.” 

“Fine with me.”

They do. And Noel‘s right. It feels weird, not 100% normal, and it might never be again.

Cody pays. It seems like the right thing to do, and Noel doesn’t argue. When they leave the restaurant, Noel starts making his way to his car, but Cody stops him with a hand to the shoulder, compelled by something he doesn’t entirely understand. 

“Wait. You should come over,” he says, turning Noel to face him. “We could film something. People are already freaking out about the missing podcast.” 

“I don’t think I’m up for it yet.” 

“We could just hang out, if you want. And just...you know. Hang out.” He puts his hands in his pockets and shrugs, cursing himself for stumbling over his words so much. “See what happens.”

Noel looks at him, eyes sharp and suspicious. “What’re you doing?” 

“Just... inviting you over.” 

“Yeah, I see that.” 

“So, what’s the problem? I thought...” 

“I mean, if you were _trying_ to ask me out, you really should’ve made it clear.”

Cody blinks.

“Because it looks like that’s what you’re trying to do,” continues Noel. “You know, taking me out to _this_ type of place, picking up the tab, and now inviting me—“ 

“Noel.” Cody rubs his arms up and down nervously. “Don’t read into it. I’m just being nice.” _Lie,_ says the invasive voice in his head. 

“Don’t act like I’m crazy,” Noel spits. “Because there’s one thing we haven’t talked about yet.” 

Cody looks at him, trying to appear angry and failing. Because Noel knows him better than he knows himself, and they both know it. 

Cody eggs him on anyway. “And what’s that?” 

“You kissed me back.” Noel steps closer to him, invading his space, and Cody lets him. “You kissed me back, and you liked it.” 

The statement hangs in the air. Cody knows he’s right.

Cody opens his mouth, but Noel holds up a finger. “Don’t even fucking try. You did. And I’m not looking to be some sort of gay experiment for you, man. I’m not looking for a hookup.”

“I wasn’t _trying_ to—“

“Because you’re not allowed to make me feel like I have an actual chance with you if I don’t.” 

Cody crosses his arms and looks away.

“So, do I?” 

Cody doesn’t respond. 

“Do I have a chance or not?” 

Cody explodes, shoving Noel away from him on instinct. “You know what? This isn’t fair. Because I didn’t kiss you back. I didn’t! You’re just making stuff up because you’re—you’re—“ 

“Huh? What am I, Cody? Fucking say it!” 

Cody doesn’t finish his thought. He just turns around and starts walking to his car. 

“At least I’m not lying to myself!” Noel yells to the back of his head. “At least I’m not a fucking coward! We both know what happened. You have to do some thinking, Cody, and I might not be here when you’re done.” 

“Fuck you,” Cody yells as he shuts his car door. 

“You fucking wish!” 

~

Cody wakes up with a pounding headache. After he got home last night, he drank himself to sleep, not wanting to do any of that “thinking” Noel suggested. He reaches for his phone, expecting a text or two from Noel. Instead, he has hundreds—thousands?—of notifications from Twitter, Instagram, and everywhere else.

He rubs his eyes and clicks on the first one from a random twitter account. 

_well @tinymeatgang was fun while it lasted ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯_

Huh?

The next tweets he sees are similar. 

_yo @codyko is this why we didn’t have the podcast this week?_

_i literally can’t accept that that video is real but like. it’s totally them_

_maybe I’ll just unstan now to save myself from the pain later_

_apparently @thenoelmiller and @codyko hate each other now, this is why we can’t have nice things_

_legit if @codyko and @thenoelmiller don’t make up I’m ending it all_

Cody’s heart is pounding in his ears. Did Noel tweet something? Did the TikTok get leaked? He checks his account, but there’s nothing there. It takes a few more minutes of scrolling until he finds it.

A video. It’s from a small account, but it has millions of views. 

It takes all of his effort to click it.

It starts with a girl filming on her front camera, laughing into the screen.

“Ohmygosh, guys, I’m outside Dorothy’s right now and Cody Ko and Noel Miller are here. Look—“

She switches the camera, and he sees him and Noel standing in the parking lot. Despite the fact the footage is grainy, there’s no mistaking them. Noel takes one step closer to Cody, who stands his ground. The girl is too far away to catch what they’re saying, but Cody remembers: _You kissed me back, and you liked it._

The girl starts walking towards them, the camera shaky. “This is insane. I’ve lived in LA for months and haven’t seen a celebrity until now. Do they sign autographs? I can’t wait to tell—” She stops, holding the camera more steady, as Cody shoves Noel backwards. “Woah, what the hell? Wait, are they—“

“Fucking say it!” yells Noel. It’s so loud that even her shitty phone microphone picks it up. 

When Cody starts storming away, she turns the camera back to herself.

“Fucking shit, guys, did you see that? They’re literally about to throw hands—shit, he’s yelling something, I can’t tell what he’s—“

“Fuck you!” Cody hears his own voice in the distance. 

“You fucking wish!” is the last thing he hears before the girl gasps and the video ends.

The top reply: _tf he means by you wish...sugar gay dude?_

Cody barely has time to process this until his phone is ringing again. Caller ID: Noel Miller.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now taking suggestions for chapter 3:)


	3. tmgisoverparty

“Noel.” 

“You’ve seen it?” 

“I’ve seen it.” 

“What do we do?” 

“I have no fucking clue!” Cody says, his voice coming out harsher than he intended. “I thought you would know what to do.” 

“I thought _you_ would know what to do!” 

“We could try to get her to take the video down,” suggests Cody. 

“No use. Millions of views. Everyone’s seen it. There’s articles about it.” 

“Articles?!” 

“Yeah. I mean, not _the Washington Post_ and shit like that. This isn’t Watergate. They’re coming from things like TMZ and, like, those Snapchat stories, but still. And it’s trending on Twitter.” 

“What’s trending, specifically?” 

“Umm…’Cody and Noel,’ ‘#tmgisoverparty, #tmgfeud, things like that,” says Noel, his voice cracking over the receiver.

“Fuck, are we over?” 

“Are we...what do you mean?” 

“I mean, like…” Cody takes a breath. “Like, are we over? TMG?” 

“Of course not,” Noel says, and Cody sighs with relief. “I mean, I’m not over it yet, man, but at the end of the day, I’m not letting this go because of some stupid—”

“Should we tweet something, then? Like ‘sorry for freaking you out, but we squashed it?’ Something like that?” 

Noel hesitates, which Cody hates. When he speaks again, it’s slow, careful. “But… _have_ we squashed it, though? We kind of... left it there.” 

“Left it…” 

“With me accusing you of being a closeted queer person who wants to fuck me,” Noel blurts, chuckling afterwards. Cody chuckles, too, recognizing the absurdity of the situation. “If you forgot.” 

“Um, I mean, you’re right, but, I don’t know, we should post it, just to save the brand—” 

“Look, I’d love it if it could be that easy, Cody.” Cody can almost imagine the small, sad smile on his face as he continues. “You know, have our online personas _be_ us, or whatever. But, and I know this is hard for you to realize, but that’s not my priority. My priority is _us_. The real us. So, I’m not willing to do that. I’m not willing to lie to make the internet feel better.” 

“Noel—” 

“If you want to fuckin’ tweet that everything is okay, be my guest. But I’m not going to. Not until it is. Not until we _actually_ figure this out.” 

Cody doesn't know what to say. 

“I love you, man. I really do. But we both said some shit last night that we can’t take back. We can’t sweep it under the rug.”

Cody surrenders. “You’re right. Let’s…” 

“I’m on my way over already. See you in ten.” 

~

Cody answers the door. He isn’t sure how to greet him. The last time he saw this man, he was screaming “fuck you” into his face and rushing to drive away. However, Noel is all business, storming into the living room and standing there defiantly until Cody awkwardly follows, sitting at his couch. He feels like he’s at a meeting. 

“Let’s get one thing straight,” Noel says, pulling out a piece of paper. “You are about to be 100% honest with me, Ko. No exceptions.” 

“Only if it’s two-way street,” objects Cody. 

“How more honest can I be? I already fucking came out to you and admitted I have a cr...that I like you.” 

“Fair point,” mumbles Cody quietly. 

“Perfect. On the Uber here, I came up with a list of questions.” 

“The fuck? Why?” 

“They’re just questions I need honest answers to if we’re actually gonna squash this.” 

Cody suppresses a laugh. “Kinda s...weird, dude.” 

“Were you actually about to say ‘sus,’ dude?” There’s a twinkle in Noel’s eye as he holds back a laugh. “When you literally _know_ I’m attracted to men?”

Cody covers his face. “I’m sorry, I haven’t really gotten used to this yet.” 

“Fair enough,” Noel concedes. “Let’s begin.” 

“Okay. Fine. Shoot.” 

“Cody,” Noel says authoritatively, causing Cody to look up at him. They meet eyes. “Did you kiss me back?” 

There’s no point in lying, Cody knows, but that doesn't mean he’s not gonna dance around it. “I...I think I did, but I don’t really remember. It was all a blur.” 

“Sure,” says Noel, rolling his eyes. “Next question. Why’d you ask me to your place last night?” 

“I don’t know,” Cody says, and his voice is so soft and genuine that Noel realizes he can’t be lying. “I just don’t know. It just came over me. It wasn’t to film, that’s for sure. I...I just wanted to.” 

“Okay. Kind of vague, but okay.” 

“Is that it?” 

“No.” Noel folds up the paper and sticks it in his pocket. “I have one more question.” 

“Well, what is it?” 

“Have you done the thinking I’ve suggested? Like, have you figured it out?” 

“What, if I’d...if I’d give this a chance? If I’m actually not straight?” 

“Do you think that’s what I’m asking?” 

Cody leaps up in frustration. “Why does this have to be a fucking riddle? Just ask me what you want to know!” 

Noel just crosses his arms and shrugs. 

Cody stares him down, but it does no good, and the words start pouring out of his mouth, seemingly without a filter. “Because if that’s what you’re asking, the answer is I don’t know. I didn’t want to think about it. And it’s not because I’m a coward. It’s not because I’m fucking lying to myself or anything, like you said. It’s because there’s nothing to think about. I mean, yeah, okay, I kissed you back. Whatever. I’ll admit it. But...it was a moment of instinct, or shock, or something, because I really thought you would lean back, but you didn’t. And, yeah, I mean, I _guess_ it seemed like I was into it, especially when you laid me—er, when you pushed me back, or whatever, but, like I said, I think it was just instinct, and, like, I know how this is gonna sound, but you’re, like, really good at, um, you know, I was just surprised that I didn’t 100% hate it, but I’m pretty sure I’m stra—” 

“Woah, take a breath, there, Cody,” laughs Noel. His plan was to get him to talk, but Cody was clearly panicking, maybe saying some things he didn’t mean. “Sit down with me.” 

Cody relents, catching his breath and joining Noel on the couch. 

“Look,” Noel says, his voice gentle. “I can see you’re freaking out. But you don’t have to. If you say there’s nothing to think about, you’re probably right. If you say you felt nothing, I believe you, man. And thanks for telling me. Because now I can move on. Find someone who actually wants to...wants to be with me. This is why I came here. I don’t have a chance with you, and that’s…” Noel takes in a breath that’s shaky, looking spaced-out for just a second. “Fine. I mean, I’ll get over it. You’re not the last straight dude I’m going to fall for. But now that I know, we can put an end to this. We can go back to being friends. It can be just like it was before—” 

“Can you kiss me again?” 

“...what?” 

“Can you kiss me again?” 

Noel closes his eyes. 

“Please. Just to help me figure some things out.” 

“Cody.” 

“Because I was lying before. I was lying. I did feel something.” 

“I _said_ I don’t want to be your gay experiment. I can’t have you playing with my fuckin’ heart like this, man. Because it’s _real_ for me.” 

“It’s...it’s real for me, too. I think.” 

“ _Cody_.” 

“I just need to know.” 

“There are other ways—”

“You’re right, Noel. I’m scared. I’m kind of freaking out. Because this isn’t right. Because I’ve never felt this way, but ever since you kissed me, man, I’ve felt fuckin’ _weird,_ and I’m scared, because, like, I think I know what I’m feeling, but I’ve only felt it for girls before, and what if I’m wrong? What if I’m just reading into things because you happen to be an unnaturally good kisser and my best friend that I spend all my time with and I just like that? I mean, we’re almost dating already, with the amount of time we spend together, it’s almost natural. And, fine, I also kind of liked kissing you, because it felt _right,_ like it’s what was supposed to have happened, and...I like the way you overpowered me, but that doesn't have to be a gay thing, right? Maybe I’m just kinky!—” 

Fuck, Noel thinks. Maybe I should just kiss him to shut him up. 

So he does.


	4. luv u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently read a book that did the sex scene entirely through dialogue, and I’m p shitty at smut, so I thought I’d try that. That means it’s not too graphic, but if you don’t like smut, I’d probably still skip to the tweets and read from there. 
> 
> P.S. I know Twitter doesnt look exactly the way I formatted it, I just wanted it to look nice lol

“Wait.” 

_Pant, pant._ “What, what is it?” 

“Are you—are you sure you wanna do this?” 

“Noel, please.” 

“I just, I just wanna be sure you won’t regret it, we could maybe wait—”

“Do _you_ wanna wait?” 

_Silence._

“Noel.” 

“No, I don’t want to wait.” 

“I don’t either. So fuck me.” 

“You’re not ready yet.” 

“Noel, _please!_ ” 

“No, I’m not saying we’re stopping, that just means I need to…just pass me the lube.” 

“The lu—oh, okay, here—” 

“Thanks. I’m just gonna—I mean, I have to prep—”

“I get it. Just do it.”

“Right.”

“Okay. Okay, you can...oh... _oh_...” 

“You okay?” 

“ _Mmhm._ ”

_Laughter._

“Wh...what?”

“Nothing, Cody, just...your whines are cute. High-pitched.” 

“Screw...you. _Fuck!_ ”

“Was that—?”

“Keep going, keep going. Fuck.”

“You’ve never been touched like this before, huh?” 

“N...no…”

“You like it, don’t you? Look at your fucking _face._ Already blissed out, just from my fingers…”

“Oh, fuck. Oh, _Noel._ ”

“Yeah?”

“No, I just like saying your name—oh! Okay, okay, enough, Noel, I need—I need your—”

“Let me grab the condom.” 

“Oh...okay…”

_Silence._

“What are you waiting for?” 

“Nothing. I’m waiting for you to back out, I guess. For you to say ‘experiment over.’” 

“Noel, how many times to I have to tell you? This isn’t a fucking experiment anymore. I want—I fucking _need_ you to fuck me right now.”

“Okay, just—tell me if you want me to stop.” 

“Fine. I’m not going to want you to, but fine.” 

“Okay. Okay, you should turn around—”

“Wait, but...I want you to kiss me, though.” 

“...oh.” 

“Is that weird? Do people not normally kiss during—I mean, we don’t _have_ to—”

“No, Cody, it’s not weird. I’ll kiss you. I mean, you might have to push your legs back pretty far, I hope you’re flexible, but I’ll kiss you.” 

“Thanks. And sorry.” 

“You don’t have to apologize.” 

“No, I do. I’m sorry for everything. I obviously had stuff to figure out myself.” 

_Laughter._ “Understatement. I mean, not only are we naked in your bed, but you’re bottoming.” 

“Well, you’re doing it next time.” 

“Next time?” 

“Yeah, fuckin’ next time, Noel. Haven’t I made this clear this isn’t an experiment?” 

“I guess you have.” 

“Okay, enough talking. Noel I need...can you... _oh, fu—_

~

**@thenoelmiller**

lol sorry about that guys we had some shit to figure out but it’s all good now. just a lil bit of influencer drama to keep u on your toes. but tmg is fine and pod will be back soon. luv u @codyko

2:32am • May 20

3,204 | 10,377 | 274K

_replying to @thenoelmiller_  
**@codyko**

luv u 2 bro

2:33am • May 20

682 | 2,008 | 98.2K

_Top replies:_

**@tmgtiddies**  
just a lovers quarrel we get it guys 

**@fair_enuf**  
this explanation wasn’t very frictionless, I expect a full story during the podcast 

**@69kraleena69**  
noel should kno better than to yell at cody his old heart can’t take it

 **@baldnoelrights**  
do a that’s cringe over the fight vid omg 

**@elonfckmywife**  
still can’t believe they let him tweet from the nursing home

 **@akoward_97**  
obviously tweeting these at 2:30am after blowing each other’s backs out 

~

“Hey, Noel.” 

“Yeah?”

“Sorry to interrupt.”

“You’re not. Here, sit.”

“I...I was just wondering...should we tell people?” 

“It’s up to you.” 

“No, it’s up to you.” 

“No, it’s—hey, quit it.” 

“Sorry, kissing you is the only way to make you shut up.” 

“Unfair. You know I’ll always kiss you back.” 

“That’s the point.” 

“But, for real, though. People wanna know what happened. Or they’ll think it was something worse than it was.” 

“I don’t care what they think.” 

“But, Noel—”

“Can’t we just live in bliss for a moment? Honeymoon for a few days? I mean, this—you and me—it’s all I’ve wanted for...for so long.” 

“You know what? You’re right. Fuck them.” 

“Yeah, fuck them.” 

“It’ll get out eventually, anyways.” 

“Yeah, it probably will. Some other teenage girl with a camera.” 

“Yeah. So I’m just gonna...shit, I’m gonna shut off my phone and...relax, I guess.”

“You should...c’mere, let me help you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t think I’m done yet, I might want to tackle them coming out publicly?? Maybe someone takes photos of them holding hands in public or they make a video or something. Not sure yet! If u have thoughts, leave them below!!


	5. i'm so ready to run from the spotlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from jon bellion's conversations with my wife!! honestly that song inspired a lot of this fic, i encourage you guys to listen! acoustic version is>>>>

They tell Kelsey and Aleena first. It seems like the natural thing to do. 

They’re happy for them. Of course. And they’re overjoyed to finally learn what the feud was about. But they’re significantly _less_ happy when they learn that Cody and Noel had been dating for weeks before they decided to tell them. Cody steers them away from discussing that topic by pointing out they can go on double dates now, which makes them stoked again. 

Cody hoped that when they started telling people, even if it was just those two, it would get easier. That he would be able to relax and stop thinking about faceless strangers on the street or on the internet. But it didn’t. I mean, he knew how to treat his old girlfriends in public, but Noel is an entirely different story. Should he pay for him? Take him on fancy dates? Hold his hand no matter who’s watching? He doesn’t know. He _wants_ to. He wants to do all of those things. He wants Noel to know that this is real and he’s not ashamed to be with him. That he _wants_ to be with him. But something is stopping him. 

It makes Noel a bit paranoid. This is exactly what he was fearing, after all. Accidentally reeling in a confused straight boy. Whenever Cody seems embarrassed and distant, he assumes it’s because he’s planning a breakup speech, and Noel dwells on it for days. 

Like when Noel compliments him on the podcast and Cody brushes it off and rushes to the next topic. Or like when he hears him on the phone with other friends, lying about girls he’s hooking up with. And especially when they go on dates. 

Even when they’re just drinking or clubbing or grabbing something to eat, something they used to _always_ do, Cody is shifty and anxious, darting away from people who seem to recognize them and absolutely refusing to do anything couple-y, even if it’s just sharing a large drink because it’s cheaper than two mediums or sitting on the same side of a booth. 

The double date doesn’t happen. Kelsey asks Noel if everything’s okay and he says of course, Cody’s just...not ready. 

Noel doesn’t give up hope for two reasons. One, because he loves Cody more than he could ever articulate, and two, because the way Cody acts when they’re alone makes up for it all. 

As soon as the apartment door shuts behind them, Cody’s all over him. Coming up behind Noel and holding him as he cooks their dinner. Absent-mindedly stroking his arm when they watch movies. Offering to paint his nails or cut his hair or to join him in the shower. Kissing him, always kissing him, pulling him in by his jacket or his belt loops or his dumbass leopard print sweatpants and kissing him until he can’t breathe. Noel has never dated someone as clingy as Cody. 

It’s honestly a confidence booster. Especially the way Cody blushes bright pink and looks away shyly whenever Noel walks in shirtless until he decides _fuck it_ and pulls him on top of him. Or he jumps on top of Noel. Noel honestly can’t decide which way he likes it better. Because when Cody’s underneath him, he’s so open and needy and pliant, but when they switch, Cody makes Noel see stars. 

It’s so good that Noel decides that if they _never_ go public, if they keep it between them for the rest of their lives, if they seclude into the woods and live as a couple of gay hermits in a little cabin with chickens and maybe a goat or two, he’d be happy. 

But how do you tell someone that? How do you tell them that you would live with them any place, in any timeframe, in any set of circumstances, and you would be the happiest man on earth? The answer is _you don’t._ Because what if they’re not thinking the same thing? 

Cody is, though. He’s thinking it whenever he looks at Noel sleeping next to him, or whenever Noel throws his neck back laughing and exposes the hickeys that _Cody_ put there, and especially when they’re out and Noel barely brushes Cody’s hand with his own and Cody retracts it into his pocket faster than a Formula One driver. 

“Noel…” he’ll say after such an incident, keeping his voice low just in case someone on the sidewalk is listening. He wants to say _I love you. I’m sorry. But I can’t._ But he never gets the chance. 

“I know,” Noel will always say, looking straight ahead. 

~

They’re on the beach and the sun is setting. They’re barefoot and wearing clothes that are too close to coordinated for Cody’s liking, but he’s not thinking about that now. Because the sunset is so beautiful, because the water is so beautiful, because Noel is so beautiful. He wants to hold his hand, but he doesn’t. They’re walking their dogs, who are romping ahead of the couple, play fighting and sniffing each other every step of the way. 

“Ollie, you fucker,” Noel says fondly at point when his little dog runs a lap around their legs, tangling his leash. “Learn some manners.” 

“Chili is a gentleman,” Cody comments as Noel bends over to help Ollie, enjoying the way his back muscles shift under his shirt. 

“Gentlemen wouldn’t hump Ollie every chance they get,” Noel says, straightening up. Cody has hair in his face, and if things were different, he’d reach over and brush it away. 

“Chili’s a player, what can I say?” 

“Here’s a thought,” Noel quips as they resume their walk. “You think our dogs are dating, too?” 

“Ollie and Chili? Probably. I mean, I’ve debated just leaving Chili at your place sometimes because he’s so bummed to leave. Whining and shit, you’ve seen it.” 

“And they’re always sleeping next to each other. I have, like, a thousand pictures of it.” 

“We should make a coming out post for them.”

Noel laughs. “That’d be sad.” 

“What? Why?” 

“Our dogs coming out before we do.” 

Cody laughs too, but it seems forced. 

Noel veers off his path briefly, bumping into Cody. “I was kidding, you know.” He studies Cody’s troubled face. “It’s not sad we haven’t told our fans or something like that. We don’t owe them anything.” 

“No, I know.” 

“I’m saying this because…” Noel looks ahead, speaking carefully. “I can see it’s stressing you out.” 

Cody is silent. 

“And I don’t like it, Codes. I don’t like seeing you so anxious.” 

“It’s just—it’s just, and don’t be offended by this, but at the beginning of—you know, us, I avoided coming out or whatever to anyone because I almost expected for us to burn out. Like, for it to just be too _weird_ to date you, my best friend, my business partner, all that. But I see now that this is, like, _good._ We’re _good_ together. We’re steady. I don’t see myself with anyone else.” 

“Me neither.” 

Cody smiles for a fleeting moment but continues talking. “So hiding it from the world just isn’t going to work. We have to do something eventually, don’t we? And I wish I didn’t care about what everyone else thinks of me this much, but I do, and I’m just so worried about it all the time, and I just want to get it over with—” 

“HEY! CODY! NOEL!” 

Their heads shoot up, surprised by the sudden interaction. The beach had been silent and mostly deserted up until this moment, and even their dogs paused their playing to look at the teenage boy up the coast filming on his iPhone. 

The kid looks young, but old enough to know that recording strangers on the beach is not okay. He’s standing extremely far away and yelling to be heard. “HA! I KNEW IT WAS YOU GUYS!” 

“A fan?” Cody asks, nervous.

“He’d be approaching us if he’s a fan, right? He’s just standing there. He probably just recognizes us.” Noel grabs Cody by the wrist. “Let’s just turn around, yeah?” 

“Yeah—” 

“FIGHT! FIGHT FIGHT!” The boy starts chanting, keeping his camera steady.

Noel squeezes his eyes shut. _Fuck._ Cody looks shocked, too, and a little embarrassed. Ollie and Chili start to bark. 

“He just wants a scene,” Noel mumbles. “Wants to go viral like the other girl. Come on, man, let’s turn around.” 

“Wants to go viral, huh?” Cody says in a voice that Noel doesn’t recognize. Noel looks at him suspiciously, almost seeing the gears turn in Cody’s head. 

“What are you thinking—” Noel says, but Cody’s far ahead of him. 

“I’m gonna kiss you.” 

Noel startles. “You’re gonna _what?_ ” 

“I’m gonna kiss you. If that’s okay.” 

“Why would you—” 

“So we can get it over with.” 

Noel talks louder to be heard over the boy’s incessant yelling. “ _This_ is how you wanna do it?” Cody hears the mocking tone in his voice, but the smile dotting the corner of his mouth exposes Noel’s true feelings. 

“Yes. This is how.” Cody grabs Noel like he does when they’re alone, by the pockets of his jacket. The boy whoops, misreading the gesture. “If it’s okay with you.” 

Noel chuckles. _Cody fucking Ko._ He answers by leaning in. 

How the kid responded to _that_ move, neither of them know, because in just seconds they are lost. Lost in soft hands and gentle lips and lost in the way they can feel one another smiling throughout the subtle movements. Ollie and Chili bounce and yap at their feet, wondering why they’re not getting attention. 

After a few moments, they pull away. Cody glares at the kid, who’s still holding his camera but is in shocked silence, mouth agape. Cody flips him off, and Noel laughs. 

“Right.” Cody wipes his mouth and smooths his shirt. “ _Now_ we can go.” He holds his hand out. Noel is grinning like an idiot as he takes it. 

“Cody fucking Ko,” is all Noel can say as they once again start walking along the beach. He squeezes his hand, and Cody squeezes back. 

~

They’re in Noel’s bedroom, which has more or less become their bedroom. Noel is on his computer across the room and Cody is in the bed, glancing at Noel occasionally but mostly scrolling through TikTok.

“Damnit, there’s sand in the bed,” Cody says, shuffling his feet and feeling the coarse grains underneath the covers. “It gets everywhere, I swear.” 

“Alright, Anakin,” Noel jokes. 

“An _Attack of the Clones_ reference in the year 2020? Come on, Noel. You can do better.” 

“Oh, fuck.” 

“What? Did you find it?” 

“Yep. He posted it. That didn’t take long.” Noel starts typing and clicking frantically as notifications start rolling in on his phone. “Why aren’t you getting anything?” 

“My phone’s on _Do Not Disturb,_ ” Cody says nonchalantly. He continues scrolling through his ForYou page as Noel finally finds the original video and presses play. 

“Man, this is great quality,” Noel says, slightly dazed. 

“Interesting.” 

“He got the whole kiss.” He clicks ahead. “And the hand holding.” 

“Good for him.” Cody yawns. “He’ll get hella views.” 

“We look cute in this.” 

“We always look cute.” 

“Ah, fuck. Aleena texted.” 

“Oh yeah? What’d she say?” 

“She said, _can you guys stop breaking the internet for one second?_ ”

Cody laughs. “Tell her no. It’s just not in our nature.” 

Noel turns around in his seat. “So you really don’t regret it, huh?” 

“Nope.” 

“Not one bit?” 

“Not one bit. We did it. It’s over. No more hiding.” 

“So, you wanna start making dumb couple content and shit like that?” Noel chuckles. 

“Um, yes, of course,” Cody responds, only half-joking. 

“As for the video…” Noel turns to his computer. “It’s already going viral. It’s on Insta, YouTube, Twitter, of course. People are freaking out.” 

“Oh well.” 

“Wanna sort through the comments or something? Think of a response?” 

Cody thinks, but only for a moment. “No.” He smiles. 

Noel smiles back. “Me neither.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to find a way to drop a f1 reference lmao. Also i’m, like, super proud of myself for keeping the ‘technology/balancing internet fame with a private life” theme throughout the whole thing despite the fact that i didn’t plan it at all. anyway i hope y’all enjoyed<3


End file.
